In the last year or so, I enjoyed a huge improvement in my emotional health and happiness due to an increase in my journaling and blogging. But then I did the thing that so many of us do…after noticing all of the positive effects I was gaining from my healthy habit, I stopped. Makes perfect sense right? Haven’t we all been there before?
Of course, there’s always a good reason (excuse) for a change in behavior. For me, it was my wedding back in October. I allowed myself to enjoy being wrapped up in the pre-nuptial fun and told myself it was okay to put off my writing for awhile. And I was right, that WAS okay! But as we all know, once you find one excuse to stop a healthy habit, you’ll find another, and another.
Next thing I knew I was pregnant (seriously, the very next thing) and so I allowed myself to get swept up in that! Again, understandable and no need to defend it. It took me a good month or so to wrap my brain around this new fact of my life. This took a lot of mental energy! I could have journaled my thoughts but instead I just did a lot of googling and podcast listening about all things pregnancy.
Oh and then my new website was being built so I told myself that meant I couldn’t blog because it would just be another post that my web designer would have transfer over to the new page. (See? I was self sabotaging out of concern for OTHERS. I’m very caring like that)
Please tell me all of this is starting to sound familiar for your own life and the “good reasons” you have stopped or slowed down a behavior that you once enjoyed and benefited from. It’s not just me right?
But recently, it hit me. This wasn’t just about my excuses for why I was too pre-occupied to write or the logistical reasons why I “couldn’t”. I haven’t been writing much because I haven’t felt inspired. All of my excuses were just so I can avoid figuring out WHY?
Well that’s what I’m going to try to figure out. But I think I have an idea…
I’ve forgotten why I blog.
I do it for ME. Not for anyone else. I do it to sort through my own thoughts. I do it to self express. I do it to clarify what it is I actually believe. When I write for those reasons, it is one of the healthiest and most positive ways I could spend my time. If others are inspired by it and find value from it – well that’s why I put it out there, because that’s a bonus.
A couple years back, I would post stuff just to get a reaction, maybe ruffle a few feathers. I took pride in being opinionated. Or I’d post defensively, as a reaction to something that hurt me, probably hoping that a certain person would see it. When I wrote for those reasons, it was not the least bit healthy. My enjoyment from it was only temporary, similar to how venting feels good in the moment but doesn’t actually accomplish anything.
I don’t know if it’s maturity, personal growth, lots of yoga, or improved self-confidence but I’m no longer compelled to post in that way. I’d rather not post at all than do it for the wrong reasons.
But that still brings me back to the issue of why I’m not writing for the RIGHT reasons…
I think I just need to tune everything and everyone out for awhile. There are so many voices, so many opinions, so much information, so much “noise”… and if I spend too much time listening to it all, it causes me to lose my own voice.
What do I, Stephanie, actually think? Is that my original thought or did it come from a podcast? Or another post I saw? Or a book? It’s hard to keep track with so much constant input.
It’s time to simplify.
Less social media. I make it my goal now to “unfollow” at least one source every time I’m on it.
Less reading. Yes! Even from authors I love like Brene Brown. No matter how much I love the message, there can be too much of a good thing.
Less podcasting!! One a day. More time spent actually applying the information, less time taking it in.
Less looking outward for inspiration. More looking within myself to remember what truly inspires me.
Less comparing, more creating.
Less keeping up, more setting my own pace.
Less posting for “likes” or follows or approval in general. More posts like this one.
I’m not writing this to entertain, inform, or inspire anyone. I didn’t even know where this post was going when I started typing it. I’m just getting my thoughts out. I don’t care if it’s too long. I’m not concerned with readability.
This is clarifying. This is healthy. This is for me.