Mid Pregnancy Update – Learning to “Just Be”

Mid Pregnancy Update – Learning to “Just Be”

I’ve tried to somewhat moderate how much and how often I share about my pregnancy. Not because I’m a super private person – I’m definitely not – but just because I already utilize social media quite a bit. Professionally, to promote classes and other awesome things related to healthy living. Personally, to connect and share with my friends. And, um, also to talk about my dogs. What can I say? I’m an oversharing extrovert. So is there really any room to fit pregnancy in there without becoming the most annoying person on earth?

I’m not sure but today I decided to throw caution to the wind. Self-awareness is great and all but what’s the point of having a blog if I’m not going to use it for at least a few shamelessly self-indulgent pregnancy posts?! After all, this baby boy growing in my belly is kind of the most important thing in my life right now. It would be inauthentic of me not to talk about it. So here goes…

If there’s one thing pregnancy has stolen from me, it would have to be my motivation. I have always considered myself to be real go-getter so it’s been really hard for me to deal with this feeling of just not wanting to. To write blog posts, to cook meals, to wash/dry/style my hair, to take on new projects, to do anything really beyond what’s absolutely necessary. I want to want to. But then I lay down…

This has helped me to have a new understanding of what it means “to just be”. I think we so often pack our schedules and do more more more in an attempt to make ourselves feel less anxious and more worthy. But how necessary is it all…really? What about just being mindful of the basics?

Nowadays, I revel in the small victories. A productive work meeting where a problem got solved or an awesome idea was hatched? BOOM! A well delivered BODYPUMP class where several people smile and say “thanks for a great workout!” on their way out? Yessss!! Dishes done? Bills paid? Dogs walked and fed? Killing it, Steph!

Due to my above mentioned lack of motivation and general content with “good enough”, in this post I’m merely going to express some of my random mid pregnancy musings in no particular order. Because a well thought out essay just seems like too much work. So here we go…

#1 I’m 25 weeks into this thing with 15 to go before baby arrives. (If all goes as planned) No time in my life has ever crawled by so slowly and at the same time sped along so quickly. It’s hard to explain this phenomenon but I feel like all I’m doing is waiting for the days and weeks to pass while also praying time would slow down because I’m not ready yet.

#2 I’ve never been more aware of the fact that the world seems to revolve around social drinking. Hockey games, concerts, happy hours, game nights with the fam, holidays, girls nights, birthday parties, yoga classes at the winery (maybe that last one is just my life)…there’s just no getting around it. That’s not to mention the widely accepted culture of having a drink at home after a long day of work which I happily took part in. Talk about dropping a habit cold turkey. I never even got to say goodbye!

#3 At 17 weeks, we found out we were having a boy. Personally, I wasn’t interested in the gender being a surprise. I wanted to find out not as much for planning purposes but because I knew that Nick and I each had a definite preference and I wanted to make sure that one of us would have time to “reframe” our mindset. He wanted a boy and I wanted a girl. I really don’t care if that makes us sound bad. I think it’s just honest and I believe in owning your feelings not trying to make them “politically correct”. As it turns out, I was the disappointed one. I didn’t cry or anything but my heart did sink a little bit when I saw the little “thingy” on the screen. I knew even before they told me. At first, I was really excited for Nick’s sake and couldn’t wait to tell him since I knew he’d be thrilled. Revealing it to him was a really special moment but after that passed, I was sad. However, several weeks later, I’m happy to report that I’m totally on the baby boy train! I really did just need to feel the disappointment, and then let go…of the girl names I’d picked out, of headbands and tutu’s and ruffles and just everything I envisioned about having a daughter. Truth is, I’d never even considered a boy. Now that I’ve had time to adjust to the idea, I’m excited! I adore the name we have picked for him and am having fun planning his woodland nursery.

#4 I finally started enjoying this journey at around the 20th week. That’s when my energy came back a little bit (which already seems to be dwindling again!!) and I started to show. It’s incredibly validating to have people be able to see for themselves that you’re pregnant after what seems like an eternity of being aware of it yourself. Bring on the fitted, belly hugging shirts! And maternity pants? I’m in love. As women, we spend our lives “sucking it in” even without realizing we are doing it. Dang it feels so good to let that baby bump hang out in all of its glory. Now I know why women say they feel sexy when they’re pregnant. There’s definitely something about it…

#5 The other day, I was sitting outside on the patio in the beautiful Sunday afternoon sunshine watching my husband enjoy his refreshing alcoholic beverage and wishing I had one of my own. So I guess I was feeling a little sorry for myself. Then the baby started kicking, a feeling that’s still pretty new to me. That’s when it hit me. Yes, he gets to crack open a beer anytime he wants. But he’ll never get to experience what it feels like to have a human life growing and moving inside of you. I win!!

#6 Speaking of my husband, I’ve heard the first year of marriage is one of the hardest. I wonder if that theory included an unplanned pregnancy (not that I’m complaining) and house hunting in a seller’s market. No? Well then I guess we’re just overachievers. We’ll be married 6 months this Friday and I’ll be 6 months pregnant a few days after that. All things considered, we’re doing just fine and I know we’ll come out of this crazy first year stronger than ever. But I’m not gonna lie, it hasn’t been all smooth sailing. So many big changes, huge decisions, and financial stresses…we’ve had to do a lot of adulting in a short amount of time and sometimes it’s easy to forget that the other person isn’t the enemy and that we’re in this together! (By the way, we did find a house in a neighborhood we love and we move in mid-June!)

Well that’s all I had to say! Just a little documentation of how I’ve been experiencing this pregnancy journey. I don’t even really know how I wanted to wrap this up so I’m just going to end it because good enough is good enough and it’s time for me to go and “just be”.

 




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