Ask Steph: Getting motivated and caring too much about what others think.

Ask Steph: Getting motivated and caring too much about what others think.

One of my biggest struggles when it comes to the ever elusive search for balance (whatever that looks like) is figuring out how to handle “all the communication”. You know, the texts, emails, Facebook messages, and the voicemails! Oh Emmmm Geeeee, the VOICEMAILS!!

**Mini rant alert**

If you know me you know how much I despise voicemail! At work I try to respond to emails super quickly and wait like ohh a day or two to respond to voicemails. I figure this will somehow “condition” people for how to communicate with me. I can’t really say whether or not it’s working. On my personal phone, I specifically tell people to send me a text in my voicemail greeting and yet so very often…they leave me a voicemail anyways. So since they ignored my request, I ignore their voicemail. That’s fair right? But I digress.

The struggle is that I want to respond to everyone and everything but I can’t always keep up! Or I just don’t want to. Or my husband is glaring at me. I’m sure you can all relate.

This week there were a couple people I did get back to that fell into the important but not urgent category. You know, the world wouldn’t end if you didn’t respond and you’re not getting paid to respond…and yet, the people on the other end matter. That’s what makes it important. We should really all spend more of our lives in this “important but not urgent” arena.

I saw this quote the other day and it really resonated with me…

“Be the kind of person others turn to with their troubles. People in pain seek out those with good hearts”.

The advice I gave out could apply to so many people in so many situations and that’s why I’m making it into the first ever “Ask Steph” blog post!

#1

Q: “I’m struggling with motivation to work out. I just feel so burned out but I know I’ll feel better if I do it and that it will help me reach my goals. But there are days where I just really don’t want to. How do I get past this?”

At first I had no idea how to respond. I was like oh boy, there it is – the million dollar question. In other words, if I had the solution to that problem I would be a millionaire, scratch that, trillionaire. So I decided that honesty was the best policy.

A: “I’ll tell you the truth, if you’re waiting to be motivated every single day to go work out…you’ll be waiting a long time. The trick is doing it despite that fact that you don’t feel like it. You have to dig a little deeper beyond motivation. But hey, congratulations on being normal! Wouldn’t we all love to be motivated all the time?!”

Then I thought, okay she’s asking for advice here. I can do a little better than that. I mean, come on Steph, throw out a couple “strategies”.

“It’s not enough to just have a goal of wanting to hit the gym 4 times a week. You have to know WHY you want to hit that goal. In my course, I talk about going “Three Why’s Deep”. Ask yourself why it’s important to you to work out 4 days a week. Once you come up with an answer, ask yourself why again. And again. You’ll uncover a reason that’s worthy of getting your butt in gear. Because honestly, motivation is shallow, it comes and goes. But your WHY is much more meaningful and lasting.

Since I’m me and I’m really not the Jillian Michaels “no excuses” type, I also had to add…

“Hey, it’s okay to skip once in a while…guilt free! And remember, exercise doesn’t always have to be as formal as a class. Go for a walk. Some is better than none! The key is making sure you’re doing it more often than you’re not doing it. That is, if you truly want to reach your goals.”

And finally, I offered her my personal favorite strategy (this one really works for people pleaser types. The trick is to think of your own self as a separate person that you want to please)…

“Think of it as a favor you are doing for your future self. You know you’ll feel better afterwards, so do it for that version of you! It’s like when I decided to clean the house and do the laundry before I went out of town last weekend. I didn’t feel like doing all of that on Friday when I got home from work but I was doing a favor for my Sunday night self. It’s all about reframing your mindset.”

 

#2

Details not important…

Q: “After weighing the pro’s and con’s, I’ve decided to do _____ which means I need to take a step back from ______. I know it’s the right thing but I’m so damn worried about what people are going to think.  I’ve been talking about ______ to so many people, what will they think/say now? Why do I care so much?!”

This one was fun to answer…I didn’t even need to think about it. I’ve learned this lesson twice in my life through a divorce and closing a business and I’ll never forget it.

A:  “Congrats on the big decision!!! It sounds like it will be great for you and your whole family! As far as________ goes, you did that for YOU not for anybody else…which also means you get to decide NOT to do it if you want to! To hell with what anyone else thinks! You’re choosing not to move forward with _______and that’s your choice because it’s your life. You don’t owe ANYONE an explanation.”

Happy Friday friends!! 🙂



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